Melancholy Ascension

my life, my hijab, MY choice!

2009-08-29T20:26:00.008-04:00

Just when we thought that as "American Muslims" we were safe from the Hijab ban in France, the scary reality is slowly creeping up behind us. A U.S. Michigan court has ruled that a judge has the right to demand a Muslim woman to remove her niqab for the purposes of identification and observation of her facial expressions.

Link for news article

I remember a few years ago when a Muslim sister in another U.S. state had trouble getting her driver's licence because she covered her face. It might of seemed "understandable" to some at the time because they reasoned the police needed to see fer face in order to identify her and so forth. Now the courts need us to remove our veils, not only to identify us but to also observe our facial expressions/reactions.

I fear the day that airport security will "need" us to remove our hijabs for security reasons and will actually have the legal right to remove it, whether we approve or not. The reasons for these precautions will of course be their need to locate a hidden bobby pin, sticking out through the hijab or their fear of an earring that's dangling under the hijab.

How many of you have been requested to remove your hijab at airport while passing through security? The first time I was asked, I remember being completely shocked and moreover appalled. Just the idea that they now feel comfortable enough to ask us to reveal what we try so diligently to cover and protect makes me angry. Of course, I knew had the to right (and the common sense) to refuse and that's exactly what I did.

However, don't you think that perhaps while in our comfort zone, we've started taking this right for granted? Don't you think we've come to feel a bit too safe and protected within these laws which guarantee our "freedom of religion?" What we fail to see is that while these laws may protect us today, tomorrow's reality is not as clear. We are slowly becoming the subject of subtle persecution and our only crime is that we submit to the will of Allah (swt).

In the past few years, I have felt deeply for my sisters in France who have been denied their right to education because they choose to follow the laws of Allah rather than that of France. Recently, the banning of the burqa in France has forced our sisters to experience numerous limitations in society. Through this ban, they have been virtually excluded from living a productive life. How many of us know of the daily obstacles they face? How many of us care? Well, if we didn't care before, I have a feeling we will start caring very soon.

Am I crazy to think that those sisters' fate is not far from becoming our own? I wonder how we will respond if next year we are denied access to a bank because our hijab is deemed a potential threat to the bank employees and other customers? How will we feel when store owners decide they rather not have customers whose faces they cannot see? You might call this discrimination but aren't the sisters in France being discriminated against? Well, if France can get away with this outright religious discrimination under the banner of secularism, what makes us think other Western countries are not far behind? Banning the burqa has already become an issue of discussion with the legislators in Britain. Link

We need to speak up and educate others that our choice to guard our modesty by wearing the hijab is not just a choice and that it cannot be taken away. It is a natural right that Allah (swt) has given us as a means of protection and self-respect. I, for one, will not allow the West to imprison me under the banner of secularism, human rights, or any other ridiculous banner which contradicts the will of Allah ta'ala.

Please share your thoughts about this recent court decision and about the ban on hijab/burqa in France.

apparently, ice cream cones DO melt faster in the summer!

2009-08-25T19:06:00.006-04:00

I normally don't like just copy/pasting articles that interest me and yes, this post is the one inevitable exception to my rule. I don't know about other Muslims, but every year, in my pathetic attempt to prepare for Ramadan (Muslim's holy month of fasting) I read countless articles/stories about the benefits of fasting.

This year is refreshingly different because this story is different. So while I'm reading this Muslim brother's unusual take on fasting, I find myself thinking, "Why didn't I ever look at it that way? Why hasn't anyone explained it like that before?" His is an experience I now find myself longing to make my own. This is the link to the article. It is definitely worth the read.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112181196

Holy rusted metal, Batman!

2009-07-12T13:40:00.019-04:00

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another"- Anatole France

I had an AHA moment about two weeks ago and it's all because of Anatole France's words. Well mostly because of it anyhow. That sweet, sweet moment of clarity seemed transient, as most of these revelations are. I all but expected it to be superficial and short-lived. What did I know! This was a pleasant surprise; wrapped up in uncomplicated, honest words. They're ringing in my head even now.

It's ironic that of all people, it was one of his observations which hit home for me because I don't agree with most of France's sentiments, especially his ridicule of religion.

I think what shocked and later inspired me most was his assertion that it's only natural for us to leave a part of ourselves behind as we transition into a new skin. At first I thought, "that can't be right!" My old self is still part of me. It has to stay with me. I won't let it go.

I mean, how can I just leave it behind and move onto a new me? Another life with no remains of the old? Isn't that betraying every experience and truth i've encountered? Is that even possible?

But there was something in his words that kept pulling me in. Why was I so drawn to his twisted understanding of human progress; how we gain access to another level of being. Not to sound like a crackpot or anything but I do believe that we're constantly reaching towards a metaphoric ascension. My ascension happens to be surrounded with sweet melancholy.

As I tried to remember past versions of me, long ago shed, France's truth starting become clear. With each confinement i've escaped from, i've moved into a new place, which never quite had room for the old me; compliant and scared. With each preconceived label i've rebelled against, i've transitioned into a different me.

I always had to leave my decomposing habits, values, and understandings behind or else they would stifle the new me. We can learn from our past but we cannot bring it with us. If we are constantly holding onto who we were yesterday, we can never be who we're meant to be tomorrow. Now I understand why death absolutely must be a prerequisite for rebirth.

But if death is necessary for rebirth, then why shun the melancholy that comes with it?

I've always embraced the melancholy in my life because it reminds me of my vulnerabilities, of my humanness. I detest this mechanical society we've come to know. Everyday, it reminds me of how alien we are. Pain has become the new disease everyone's trying to cure. How did misery become the new taboo? Isn't it our inherent angst that drives us to constantly change; to reconstruct ourselves? We must all suffer. Just don't it in vain.

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey" - Kenji Miyazawa

scribble scrabble

2009-07-12T13:37:00.007-04:00

Lately i've been wondering how you find the perfect balance between two passions. I feel as if i'm caught between two mistresses, each equally as demanding of my time and love. In my heart, desire burns for both. There is no just compromise. No perfect middle. No gray holyland to ease our hearts. There is only black and white. The forks in my life are endless. So for now, I choose to stand still. The art of motion need not be constant. Static and melancholy, I wait for the right moment to elect the direction I must discover. Must I choose? Why? It isn't fair! I cry like a four year old because I am one. I'm driven simply by my desires. I crave the longing of two loves, each one equally as beautiful. Equally satisfying. The heart wants what the heart wants.

Mark Twain was the man

2009-07-11T16:46:00.005-04:00

While I do not agree with everything he has written, I still believe that Mark Twain and I would of been good friends. His wit and wisdom speak to me everyday. Following are some of his particularly insightful observations.

"I do not like work even when someone else does it."

"A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything."

"The lowest intellect, like the highest, possesses a skill of some kind and takes a keen pleasure in testing it, proving it, perfecting it."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

spoke too soon

2009-07-11T15:56:00.007-04:00

So as soon I declare myself a blogaholic, I disappear. Typical me. But in my defense, I have been contemplating what topic to explore next. With so little excitement in my life right now, i've managed to find pleasure in the mundane. Strangely, these lethargic summer days have a way about them. My days are filled with downtempo movements. Never quite forceful enough to secure a response.

Yes so i've been "studying" for what everyone constantly reminds me is the most important exam of my professional career. Their words seem redundant and unwelcome. No one can scare me into action. I'm slow like that. I fundamentally lack what's required: discipline.

I love it and hate it, all in the same breath. It's perfect really. What's wrong with being perplexed. Situations which have no in or out. They get you caught up in their irrelavent details and before you know it, the month's gone. D'oh!

Love and hate, all rolled up into one. I invite the drama. Yeah. That's true. I love love love the duplicity of my actions, my thoughts, my feelings. My high school journalism teacher once described me as a beautiful contradiction. I didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted. That part of me hasn't changed much since high school. I'm still a walking contradiction. My own shade of gray. Yeah, it makes me smile today.

blogaholic

2009-06-26T03:04:00.002-04:00

So I think it's pretty safe to say that in just two days, i've become a shameless blogaholic! It's like when you experience your first cup of coffee or buy your first mac and wonder "where have you been all my life?!!" Blogging is one sweet deal.

Cheerio mate

2009-06-26T00:52:00.005-04:00

If I was a poet, I would flaunt my love for cheerios with every sonnet I wrote. Yeah, they're that good! It's my comfort food - always crunchy and delicious.

it's something we do

2009-06-25T21:54:00.006-04:00

I came across this excerpt the other day and wanted to share it. It serves as my tiny but very potent dose of inspiration.

"There are two groups of people - those who practice contentment, and those who do not. Contentment is an experience that we can cultivate through practice. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Like gratefulness and positivity, contentment is not usually handed to us as a gift, although it is always ours for the asking. We need only to align our thoughts with appreciation, for contentment is not much a state of affairs as it is a state of mind.

If money could make us happy, millionaires would rest complete after their first million. If power were the source of peace, heads of state would be the happiest people in the world. But we all know that persons with much money, or power are not the happiest; in fact they are often among the most unhappy. Why? Because anyone in a state of seeking can never be happy. Only those who are constantly finding are fulfilled. And finding is not something that happens to us - it is something we do." - Cohen, The Dragon Doesn't Live Here Anymore

i miss you much, my winter sun!

2009-06-25T18:46:00.006-04:00

love this poem

2009-06-25T05:22:00.006-04:00

It must feel wonderful to know exactly who you are. To be content with your place in this world. I pray I become a nobody one day. I reach out to touch that glorious sun.

I'm nobody! Who are you? by Emily Dickinson

"I'm nobody! Who are you?

Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!"

crap! i'm actually doing this!!

2009-06-25T04:27:00.010-04:00

Hello, Salaam, and welcome to my "blog."

The reason I use quotation marks is because I find myself ill-equipped to be a dedicated blogger. I've never been much of a doer. Always a watcher. I love the back rows of virtually every place; classrooms, theatres, concert halls, masajid. It's where you go to disappear. If I were a superhero, you can just guess which power I would want: Invisibility!

So why am I torturing myself by making this quantum leap? I believe in tough love. My parents are from Pakistan so obviously all I know is tough love.

I feel as if my life is on this never ending roller coaster and the only way to end this nauseating journey is to jump off. No, not suicide! Besides being a sin, I'm just too much of a scaredy cat. I'm such a wimp, i've never been on freefall at six flags.

So what's with the jumping? It's hard to explain. I see it as doing something polar opposite of anything my usual, invisiblility cloack wearing self would do. Something completely out of my comfort zone. Yes, this is a frightening leap for me. The real me would never put myself out there for everyone to analyze and defragment. Never!

So after painfully betraying my inhibitions today, I find myself here. I suppose opening up to strangers is better than to people who actually know me. I find solace in the fact that since there are hundreds of thousands of blogs out there, I really doubt anyone is reading this.

They should change that old saying, "old habits die hard" because the truth is they never die. They infect you like necrotizing fasciitis, eating away at your deepest layers. There is no simple remedy. Be ready to loose a limb or two. That's the only escape. My melancholy existence taunts me every now and then. So I have to make peace with it and move on.

It's highly possible that I secretly love this life and the agony that comes with it. Yeah, it all makes me smile. Highly possible.

2009-06-25T04:09:00.001-04:00

Things are the way they are because they were the way they were.

— Fred Hoyle